Moving Forward
by de Duchess
Summary: "You can't keep punishing yourself for that. You hesitated.  That doesn't mean you're never allowed to be happy again. You're not betraying Zane by loving him." *Carter and Jo have a talk about Zane.* seas 4.5


**Title: Moving Forward**  
**Characters:** Jo Lupo, Jack Carter, mentions of Zane Donovan.  
**Disclaimer:** I do not own Eureka, or its characters... no copyright infringement is intended and no profit is made.  
**Timeline:** sometime in season 4.5  
**Spoilers:** none, this is pure speculation.

**Author's Note: **_My take on the Jo/Zane relationship and Jo's possible feelings on the whole thing. This takes place at some point in season four. Zane knows enough to understand that he and Jo were in a relationship. He also returned the engagement ring to her at some point. He's been trying to wear Jo down enough that she'll pursue a relationship with him.  
Also, I apologise, because this is un-beta'd. Any mistakes are mine. _

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**Moving Forward**

Jo walked into the sheriff's office and stopped short at the sight of her desk. Her _old_ desk. It was Andy's desk now. But it was bare. No pens strewn around, no files stacked in the corner, no phone, not even a computer. Everything was built into the robot deputy and she turned away from the sight. It just didn't look right. She continued over to Carter's desk, running her fingers over the wood. The familiar clutter was somehow reassuring and she sighed as she continued on to sit down on the couch. Resting her elbows on her knees she leaned her forehead against her clasped hands and tried to breathe.

She needed to calm down and coming to this place was on the short list. She'd tried working out, then she'd done virtual sparring and then she'd spent an hour at the shooting range. Nothing had helped. She just needed a minute. Calm down, get some perspective and figure out what to do next.

"Jo?"

Jo raised her head to look at Carter who had paused at the counter. "Hey, what are you doing here?" he asked. He stepped closer and his smile fell away at the look on her face. "What's wrong?"

Jo shook her head, dropping her hands to wrap her arms around her stomach. "I'm trying to think of reasons to stay." She said quietly.

Carter frowned as he slowly approached her. "What does that mean?"

Jo bit her lip. "I filled out a request for transfer for the DOD." She said.

Carter dropped down heavily onto the couch next to her, his mouth open as he stared at her in horror.

"I haven't sent it in yet." Jo admitted. "There are so many reasons why it would be better for me to leave Eureka, but I just can't make myself do it. So, I'm trying to think of a reason to stay."

Carter shook his head, his mouth working as he tried to find his voice. "You can't leave!" he finally said, his voice hoarse. He cleared his throat. "Jo, you just – can't."

Jo gave a humourless laugh. "I need something better then that, Carter."

Carter ran a hand through his hair. "We need you." He said. "I need you. This town would go up in flames within a week without you."

Jo gave a wry smile. "We both know that's not true."

"What brought this on?" Carter demanded. "Why would you want to leave? I thought things were getting better?"

Jo winced and hung her head. She could feel her eyes burning and she blinked a few times. "I screwed up." She admitted quietly. "I lost control with Zane."

Carter stared at her. "Okay," he said slowly, "that can mean two things. Either you finally snapped and killed him, or you gave in and slept with him."

Jo dropped her head into her hands.

"Ahh." Carter said and she felt his hand settle on her shoulder.

"I messed up, Carter." She mumbled.

"Jo, it was kind of inevitable. Honestly I'm amazed it took this long."

Jo raised her head to glare at Carter. "So, what? Was everyone just waiting for me to lose it?"

Carter shook his head. "You love the guy, Jo." He said gently. "That doesn't go away. You've been fighting it, but I know you. And I know how you feel about him."

Jo stood up, suddenly restless. "He's not Zane." She bit out, as she began to pace the short distance in front of the couch. "He may look like him, and think like him and on occasion talk or act like him. But it's not him."

Carter raised his hands, "Jo,-" he began.

"I'm not a scientist, Carter!" Jo exclaimed and Carter's mouth snapped closed. "I can't look at this rationally or empirically or however the hell I need to, to make them the same person, because they're not! He's Zane's twin brother. They look alike, they occasionally act alike, but they are not the same. He's not the guy I spent three years of my life with."

She stopped in front of Carter and turned to face him. "I feel like I'm cheating on Zane." She said softly. "Like I'm betraying him."

Carter got up and slowly reached out to put his hands on Jo's shoulders. "You're not betraying Zane." He said.

Jo scoffed. "Because Zane's dead." She finished.

Carter reared back as if she'd slapped him. "You can't think that." He whispered.

Jo shrugged wearily. "My Zane is gone. Everything we lived has been erased. That man doesn't exist anymore, I lost him." She stared at him. "The man I loved is dead and I can't even mourn him because his doppelganger is walking around town alive and well."

Carter swallowed and Jo turned away. She couldn't take the look on his face. "I'm glad that Henry and Grace have made it work. I really am. But Henry isn't that different from the Henry in this timeline. He accidently took her on the same first date!" She crossed her arms. "Zane _is_ different. And what right do I have to try and make him into the man I remember? For all we know, this is how it's supposed to be."

"I don't believe that." Carter vehemently shook his head. "You and Zane. That was real, Jo. You can't doubt that."

Jo allowed a wan smile. "I don't doubt what we had." She confessed. "But I can't ignore that the Universe itself tore us apart. The time-space continuum rewrote itself and we ended up like this." She paused as she stared at her old desk.  
"Everything in this world is pretty much the same." She said quietly. "Except for subtle differences. Little things. And most things that changed, changed for the better." She glanced at him. "Shouldn't we trust that maybe this is the way it's supposed to be?"

"No," Carter said bluntly. "In all the time I've known you, Jo, I have never known you to give up. I know you believe in faith, but that is ridiculous."

Jo bit her lip as she tried to keep it together. "He's not Zane." She repeated. "With Fargo as the head of GD he came to Eureka almost eight months later than my Zane did. All the things that changed him, that made him grow up, that made the town trust him, that made him one of the best scientists at GD, those things didn't happen the way they were supposed to. Even if I wanted to, it's impossible for him to become my Zane. Whoever he turns into, it'll be someone else." She wrung her hands as she took in ragged breaths.

Carter stared at her. "He's not your Zane." He said quietly, finally understanding.

Jo's face twisted as she fought to hold back a sob. "No, he's not. He's Zane's twin."

Carter slowly stepped forward as the weight of it all began to become clear to him. "But you love him anyway."

Jo lowered her head as the tears finally began to spill. "And I shouldn't." she choked out.

Carter reached out and wrapped his arms around her, pulling her into his chest in a hug. He felt Jo's arms go around him as she clutched at his shirt and he rested his chin on her head, as he slowly rubbed her back.

Jo was shaking in his arms, near silent as she cried. Guilt and grief were warring for dominance. Zane had been maturing. Slowly, but surely. He was still arrogant and irritating and condescending. But he was also helpful and trustworthy and on occasion insightful. And he had been kind. Above all, despite his attitude, despite his cockiness, he had been kind. And those were the moments that she hated him the most.

It was easy to separate the two when he was being a jerk. When he made some asshole comment. But when he was in scientist mode, when he was trying to help them, when he showed concern. He would look at her and she would have to forcefully remind herself that he wasn't hers.

And yesterday she'd lost control. She hadn't pulled away when he kissed her. Hadn't pushed him away when he wrapped his arm around her back. Instead she'd stepped closer. She cupped his face in kind. And she should've come to her senses when he'd pulled her hair free from its ponytail. But she hadn't. She'd given in, and they'd slept together. And now her betrayal was complete.

"I'm so sorry."

Jo pulled back as she finally registered what Carter was saying.

She stared up at him and was surprised at the sadness and guilt on his face. "I am so sorry, Jo."

Jo wiped at her eyes. "For what? This isn't your fault."

Carter shook his head. "For not noticing how much you were hurting. I was so wrapped up in my own things,-" he broke off, "I should've seen it. Someone should've seen it."

Jo gave a watery chuckle. "You were happy. Everyone is happy here. That's the point." She slowly turned and sat back down on the couch. "Everyone got their happy ending. And I'm happy for all of you, but it's not going to happen for me. And I need to get out of here."

Carter sank down next to her and stared at his hands. "You are by far the strongest person I have ever met." He finally said. "All the things you've gone through the last few months. By all rights you should've been curled up in the corner weeping. But you kept on going. And I should've been paying attention. You're stronger than most, but everyone breaks eventually. I should've seen you were cracking." He turned his head to look at her. "I have absolutely no right to ask you this; but please stay."

"I think I have reached the end." Jo admitted quietly. "I feel like one more thing and I'll lose it. And now with Zane…" she broke off helplessly.

Carter reached out and took her hand, holding it tightly. They sat in silence for a long time and Carter let go to put his arm around her, pulling her to lean against his shoulder.

"My job is to take care of the town." Carter said quietly. "And you take care of everyone at GD. When the genius scientists screw up, we fix it. And everyone trusts us to do that. And they forget that we're human." He chuckled as Jo pulled away to look at him. "It's our job to look after each other. I'm supposed to take care of you, make sure that you're okay. And I failed."

Jo was shaking her head before he'd even finished speaking and grabbed his hand. "Don't be an idiot, Carter." She said. "This isn't your fault. There's nothing you could've done. There's nothing anyone can do. It's my choice now."

"And because I wasn't paying attention, the only options you feel you have are staying or leaving." Carter said.

Jo sighed. "If you have other options, I'm open to hearing them."

"Give Zane a chance."

Jo stared at him. "That's not funny."

"I'm serious." Carter said. "I understand how you feel. I get that he's not the same, and that you feel like you're betraying Zane, but your guilt is misplaced." He leaned forward. "Zane loved you and he would want you to be happy."

Jo yanked her hand free. "That's bull." She said flatly. "Zane asked me to marry him and I couldn't even answer him. And now I'm supposed to just continue on with some different version of him?"

Carter stared at her. "You can't keep punishing yourself for that." He said softly. "You hesitated. That doesn't mean you're never allowed to be happy again. You're not betraying Zane by loving him."

"And if Alison hadn't come with us?" Jo asked. "Could you have just started a relationship with the Alison of this timeline? Without four years of history? When she's not the woman you loved?"

Carter faltered and Jo nodded. "It's not the same. I'm not a scientist, Carter. I can't just shut off my feelings and convince myself they're the same person. And I'm not ready to start over."

"So you're going to leave and come back when you are?" he asked. "Because that's the only way that it's acceptable. If you need time and distance and perspective, I get that. But don't tell me you're leaving Eureka for good."

"I slept with Zane." Jo ran a hand over her face. "This isn't the way things are supposed to go."

"Maybe not. But it's what we've got." Carter said. "And regardless of how the time-space continuum rewrites history and what the Universe throws in your way… Zane is falling in love with you." He smiled at her. "Some things can't be torn apart."

Jo bit her lip, fighting to keep her composure. "I don't know how to do this."

Carter leaned forward pressed his lips to her forehead. "Not alone." He said. "Talk to Zane."

He got up and squeezed her shoulder. "Leaving is not an option. If it comes to that, we'll kick Zane out of town."

Jo gave a surprised laugh at that. "He's a GD scientist, he's more valuable than me."

Carter stared down at her. "Don't be ridiculous. No one is more valuable than you." He held out his hand and Jo smiled, letting him haul her to her feet.

"Sweet, but untrue." She said.

Carter scoffed. "I have it on good authority that the mayor, sheriff and the head of GD would choose you over Zane."

Jo shook her head. "You're biased." She mumbled, but she couldn't help but smile.

Carter shrugged. "I am." He said. He regarded her for a moment. "You know I love you, right?" he asked gently.

Jo nodded. "Yeah."

Carter hesitated. "Hard as it is, I honestly believe that you and Zane can do this. It's not fair what happened, and you did lose a good man. But he's not completely gone. He's in there." He gazed at her. "It wasn't just all the experiences that changed him, Jo. It was you. Your trust and your faith, and the relationship you two had. It made him into that man. This Zane never had that, but even in this short time, he's becoming more and more like him."

Carter stuck his hands into his pockets. "I can't imagine what it's like to feel that loving someone is a betrayal. And losing Zane only to have to another one right there. I do know that you shouldn't feel guilt. And that the happiest I have ever seen you, is when you were with Zane. And I just can't believe that it's wrong for you to have that again."

Jo blinked away the moisture in her eyes, willing the tears not to fall. "I'll try." She whispered. "I don't know how to make this work, or if I even can. But I'll try."

Carter nodded. "Okay." He smiled as he backed away and Jo sat back down on the couch,

"Hey, Carter." She called out, and he paused at the entryway. "I love you too." She said.

Carter smiled and continued on and Jo leaned back, staring out into space.

Okay.

_Okay. _

She reached into her shirt and pulled out the necklace, staring at the ring. "I loved you." She said quietly as she held it up. "I always will." She swallowed. "Please forgive me." She tucked the ring back into her shirt and reached into her pocket, pulling out her phone. Her fingers were steady as she dialled and she took a deep breath as the line rung.

"Zane? It's Jo…"

**~The END**

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_Reviews are happy thoughts, shared with me._


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